I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize