she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
