The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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