Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
