Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
