i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...