Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.