Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?

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(603): Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar? http://tfl.nu/vt9e

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(707): View more from California

I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.

(951): View more from California

That's the thing about women.

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(707): I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff. (951): That's the thing about women. http://tfl.nu/3r0z

Replies (6) Good night (893) Bad night (2565)
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(850): View more from Florida

lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.

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(850): lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita. http://tfl.nu/5n5t

Replies (35) Good night (4400) Bad night (973)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"

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(314): I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/4mpo

Replies (14) Good night (4011) Bad night (1182)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.

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(503): Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously. http://tfl.nu/epia

Replies (10) Good night (868) Bad night (5353)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.

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(519): Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it. http://tfl.nu/0omt

Replies (3) Good night (4021) Bad night (1010)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both

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(919): I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both http://tfl.nu/fi30

Replies (13) Good night (4392) Bad night (1030)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over

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(732): the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over http://tfl.nu/4t6t

Replies (8) Good night (3284) Bad night (748)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.

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(540): Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday. http://tfl.nu/c8hf

Replies (7) Good night (1668) Bad night (728)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?

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(970): Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right? http://tfl.nu/vtmk

Replies (7) Good night (2341) Bad night (757)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.

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(901): Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking. http://tfl.nu/5z7b

Replies (11) Good night (1422) Bad night (1007)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?

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(202): Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up? http://tfl.nu/celn

Replies (2) Good night (2359) Bad night (672)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.

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(703): I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one. http://tfl.nu/5wbs

Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (755)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober

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(630): I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober http://tfl.nu/x3cq

Replies (1) Good night (332) Bad night (424)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.

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(847): Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art. http://tfl.nu/abxt

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