Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

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  (586): i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning http://tfl.nu/zcz6
  Replies (33) Good night (3135) Bad night (793)
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  (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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  (323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5
  Replies (13) Good night (5822) Bad night (728)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  how does Santa get into Hogwarts?

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  (574): how does Santa get into Hogwarts? http://tfl.nu/z515
  Replies (48) Good night (6038) Bad night (1013)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore

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  (906): Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore http://tfl.nu/jxvu
  Replies (17) Good night (2412) Bad night (6376)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"

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  (262): My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?" http://tfl.nu/j8cb
  Replies (7) Good night (4544) Bad night (1133)
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  (914): View more from New York

  say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.

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  (914): say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint. http://tfl.nu/783h
  Replies (5) Good night (2243) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.

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  (262): Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene. http://tfl.nu/6cb0
  Replies (1) Good night (1278) Bad night (607)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.

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  (260): Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office. http://tfl.nu/3hhh
  Replies (4) Good night (1581) Bad night (662)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.

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  (715): She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird. http://tfl.nu/gla6
  Replies (8) Good night (1406) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.

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  (508): Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess. http://tfl.nu/kvya
  Replies (7) Good night (1808) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (627): View more from California

  Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.

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  (627): Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time. http://tfl.nu/xynl
  Replies (7) Good night (2428) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.

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  (415): Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx. http://tfl.nu/4yiy
  Replies (3) Good night (536) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front

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  (770): It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front http://tfl.nu/bbjx
  Replies (1) Good night (854) Bad night (403)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life

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  (225): I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life http://tfl.nu/dl7i
  Replies (1) Good night (838) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later

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  (574): I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later http://tfl.nu/xueh
  Replies (5) Good night (858) Bad night (395)

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