I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Canadian or clown?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver