my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
