Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
