u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
