So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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