I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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