I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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