when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
