I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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