It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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