Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
