oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
