wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
