So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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