Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize