Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
