In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
