She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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