And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
