y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
