drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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