you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
