i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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