I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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