WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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