I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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