I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
