I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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