I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
