She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
