My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
