In America we eat man semen.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
