My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
