remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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