OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
