Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
