I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
