Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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