I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
