I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
