She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
