My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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