All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
