Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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