I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
