I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
