Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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