So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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