oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
