I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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