I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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