i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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