now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
