nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
