i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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