I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
