We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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