im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have tasted many bathrooms
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
